Another school year started. Noah doesn't complain to go to school, but he sure isn't excited about it either. Plus he just had IV chemo just a few days into the school year so that doesn't make things easier. It seems that every month, the steroids are affecting him more and more. This week he has been increasingly moody. His muscles are sore, he had bad diarrhea and hasn't wanted to eat much. He even crawled into bed with me the other night because he just wasn't feeling good. It's nights like that that I am reminded of just how sick my son is. So often he is well, he is active, he doesn't look sick. And its sometimes easy to forget for a bit that he has cancer. Which is a blessing. I'm not complaining that that's how lucky we have been. It just makes those times where he isn't feeling well, or struggling with friends or school a bit harder to see.
And he does seem to be struggling. He hasn't connected with any of his friends from last year. And I'm not sure why. It could be that they are all so active and involved in sports, and Noah just doesn't fit that mold anymore. His body has taken a blow, and it's been hard for him to catch up physically. I just hate hearing that he spends his recesses alone. He says he doesn't mind, but I think he does. He just seems so afraid to approach his old friends, or anybody in his class even. Its hard to see.
We are still seeing the child psychiatrist. He has been gone all summer so we have only gone 3 times since June. Noah really likes him so hopefully he can help him work out some of these issues.
Yes, some times it's easy to forget my son has cancer. And I need to embrace that feeling more when I get it. Because every time I open facebook and see my mom group for kids with cancer, I see a new little face that's just diagnosed. Or I read another heartbreaking story of another child that earned their angel wings. Or I read of another little one's fight with leukemia that is so much harder than my son's is. It reminds me of just how fragile his life is. Any of our lives are. It's so hard not to ask why. Sometimes I just want an answer. Why do these little ones have to suffer. Why does anyone have to suffer from cancer, or other horrible diseases. It doesn't seem fair.
Our list of prayer requests remains mostly the same. Pray that Noah will beat this cancer and that it never ever comes back. That he will make friends again, and keep up with his school work. That he will really benefit from seeing the psychiatrist and our family life can get a bit more relaxed. That Holly will continue to be healthy, and not hate Noah forever because of how horrible he treats her. That Coltan's lung will be healed and he will never need surgery to remove it. That Chris and I will gain all the wisdom we possibly can for parenting our children. Through sickness and health. Thank you all who pray for us. I am convinced it is what gets us through each day.